Ugly Divorces and the Effect on Children

Sometimes there is ugliness that children see when their parents are in the midst of, or living in the aftermath of ugly divorces.
Experienced lawyers who practice matrimonial and family law see the pain and anger which sometimes affects estranged spouses. We see how it can blind them to what is good for their children. Sadly, sometimes parents can subconsciously use custody as a way to inflict pain on the other parent, or grandparents.
Our adversary system can provide cover to those whose anger or self-centeredness drives them to use every tool to gain an advantage.
On the positive side, our legislature and our courts espouse the principal that all decisions affecting innocents be made in the best interests of the children. The best interests of the children must supersede what one parent may think is best for themselves. Our courts are mindful that sometimes a spouse is focused on their own needs and not the children’s needs. Unfortunately that is not always clear. And so, sometimes judges are called upon to be Solomon like, but without the easy solution he offered.
But there is alternative to the ugliness here in central Pennsylvania. It is called the collaborative process. This non-court process allows willing parents to move away from the unfamiliar judges and toward solutions for custody as well as divorce financial issues. You need to be aware that the Collaborative process does not mean “no conflict cases only”. This process is a simply a better way to handle the conflict with a view to satisfying each spouse’s most important desires and interests.
In this alternative to the court process for custody cases; each spouse retains a trained collaborative process attorney to represent their interests and to help them advocate effectively for themselves. The parties and their lawyers meet in face-to-face discussions, to explore creative alternatives to satisfy both parents' observations of what is best for the children, and identify short as well as long-term needs and concerns and their possible solutions.
The collaborative process works with angry, hurt and suffering spouses. Rather than feeding the anger, it allows the parents to acknowledge their feelings and move on to satisfying their needs and the needs of their children.
For parents of good will (which includes most parents - even angry ones) the collaborative process is a viable and humane alternative that can spare children from acrimony and can help separated parents build a parenting plan to replace the a court ordered custody arrangement.
You can learn more by visiting our web site at www.tamaninilaw.com or by calling us for an appointment at one of our offices.
Also, there is group called the Collaborative Professionals of Central Pennsylvania, a non-profit organization created by lawyers specially trained in the collaborative process. The organization’s website is at www.collaborativelawpa.com. You can find our law offices listed at that site among other trained professionals.

Hang in there. Dave